ALL CHILDREN NEED A HOME!

Nowadays, children are living a particular situation. The most live with their family but many times it isn’t a home. Home isn’t only a brick structure with four walls; home is a circle of love between the person that takes care of the children and the children. 

Traditionally, in our country, a home is related to the idea of a fireplace. This represents the warmth that every home should give.

We talked to a psychologist, Susana Romero, about this issue and asked a few questions. Here’s what she said:

1. Is home an influence in a child’s personality?

Yes, it’s where children nurture themselves (symbolically and literally). When we are born, we are incapable of doing many things, so we need a parent to help us. Every child needs someone to help them with their routines; if that person isn’t at home, there should be someone else available for the child.

2. Why is home necessary for children to relate to society?

It’s necessary because it’s the internal womb, where we are born and that primary thing that makes us who we are as a consequence of our mother and father’s experiences. Then, it extends to the social field and we start to take referents from people around us: it’s not the same to be raised in Buenos Aires city and Jujuy.

The primary bonds develop under the mother’s bosom. For example: if a child needs to travel to a different speaking country, he will be able to learn that new language after having learnt his parents’ one.

3. Is home the affectionate center of a child? If so, why?

If there is no love; if there’s no place where people are waiting for you before you are born…a child cannot live without these basic conditions. That’s why, many times, experts talk about savage children, raised by monkeys, like the Tarzan myth. That example shows how much we need society and how children can develop properly when surrounded by human beings. It’s also very important to give LOVE to children, so they feel comforted.

4. Is home involved in the child’s future?

Certainly. Today we can find joined families, combined, founded on differences but sustained by love and care. At some point, the cultural influence makes the family give importance to several aspects, leaving others aside. We are talking about, for instance, the time we go to bed; this depends on every family and children grow up to be different persons according to their families’ customs.

5. Does the cultural level of the family influence the child?

From early education at home, the child is influenced by the cultural values held at home. Every household gives importance to studies or education according to their own level of education. Some families prioritize the idea of being successful through study and hard work, discipline and overcoming fears. Others prioritize the idea of being successful by ‘stepping on other people’s heads’, as we commonly say.

To every child, the main referent is an adult. At first, during childhood, this person is like a superhero. During teenage years, this role model disappears or is ignored by the ‘grown up’ child. This is perfectly normal, because when a child becomes a teenager is more vulnerable to social standards and ideas. It’s very important that the ‘former role models’ don’t get discouraged. It’s not the adult’s fault. It’s not the adolescent’s fault. It’s just a stage in which every human being needs to experience another kind of influences.

So, after talking to her, we think that this is what children need:

• Attention and quality time with their families; Attention is important because it is essential for the child to develop in the outside world. Seen from the aesthetic aspect, children should have access to medical care, healthy nutrition, clothing and so on. But you can also relate attention in an emotional way, necessary for future relationships and their feelings’ expression. For example, when we see a father playing with his child, that shared time will strengthen his or her emotional relationship and will cause the child to feel accompanied and loved.
• The family’s power to solve problems; all children need their parents when they suffer disappointments in the outside world and internally. Home should be the main support for children; there, they must take refuge in case of problems. Parents and all those who make up the home should be great counselors to guide them in their lives.
• Moral Norms; moral rules are necessary for the formation of the child's personality, leaving bad habits or behaviors aside. This is related to how children manage in a group of individuals, both at school, sports and others. They need a home that teaches them ethical and moral values. At home children are taught to live with other people. Many children copy actions and ways from their parents. Parents are role models. For example, children should be taught to say 'thank you' at home. 
• Many parents oblige children to do activities they do not like. For instance, parents often force their children to study a particular career as a family legacy, typical for families who want to maintain their ‘prestigious name’, as they say. Indeed often in everyday life, in different social classes, parents force their children, sentimentally and educationally. It’s not so different from ancient times, when marriage was for convenience and little girls were forced to marry older men. Children grow up with a greater pressure than the one that is needed for them to grow in a healthy way. A five year old child should worry about his games and toys. Some parents want their children to be someone they are not, which causes a deep depression and frustration, avoiding their fully development. This, sometimes, causes the child to have suicidal thoughts or even commit suicide.
• Family should transmit a feeling of safety; home must form a stable family, without serious conflicts that may harm the child physically and psychologically. It should be the focus of care and support, showing this through safety.
• Education is very important for children. This develops the intellect, culture and learning skills necessary to live their lives. Education defends children from external situations that may damage them and gives them a safe place to turn to in case they don’t have a loving home to support them. But education is not received only at school; it begins at home with care and dedication of time, in addition to teaching moral standards.
• Family should show affection through kisses, smiles, hugs and nice, good words. All affective actions taken by our parents are the ones that we develop later in life, when relating to our own children. Love is necessary for the child so he or she does not feel alone or that nobody appreciates them. When people doesn’t feel loved throughout childhood, they generally relate with other individuals badly as grown ups.

Having said this, here are some tips to make home a brighter place.

How to build a happy family in 6 steps:

1. Show unconditional love for each of your family members.

2. Set rules and limits, be clear and fair; Combine discipline with love.

3. An environment of communication, openness and joy at home promotes the healthy expression of feelings and emotions and avoids teasing, criticism and comparisons.

4. Mark family interests as a priority, spend time with your family and do something together at least once a day

5. Schedule a weekly family activity that motivates your loved ones; go for a walk, enjoy a board game, watch a film together, use creativity to escape from routine.

6. Older family members should be positive role models for children.

Throughout time, home is prioritized as a basic need for all children. It consists of the search of emotional support and welfare by people who care about them. The household conformations relate to various aspects, religion, customs with which we were raised, culture and also our own experiences. There is a famous saying that goes: ‘Family cannot be chosen’. Life is about learning something from each of the people who live at home. Families can be large or small, but –at the end of the day- the people we love (and loves us) is what counts.

Milagros Braña, Erica Fernández, Giuliana Pucciarelli - 4th Year